Tahiti Or Two Tots

Tahiti Or Two Tots

Tonight I was opening our wine bottles with a drill. I left the corker at my mother’s house last week when I made wine marinated flank stank stuffed with mozzarella and basil and a reduced wine sauce for my alcohol free family. I like to watch them squirm. So tonight I had to siphon each glass with napkins and pick out bits of cork with chopsticks. Lilly was starting to get a little toasty.

“Can you imagine what life would be like without him!”

“Oh yeah, I sure can.” I said with extreme sarcastic emphasis. “Tahiti, Hawaii, cruises all over the world...It would be…” I was saying as Lilly cut me off remembering our talk earlier in the day about never making it to Tahiti.

“Yeah right! Oh please. I’ve been asking for 8 years and how many times have we been to Tahiti?” She asked. “If you say we’ll only have one kid and travel all over the place. I’d say okay, fine. But you won’t say it. So let’s have another kid.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. How did this turn into wanting a second kid anyway.”

“Because the only thing I want more than another kid is to travel a lot. Plus, you can’t say we would travel all the time if we didn’t have him anyway, because we won’t. We didn’t. “

“Okay your turn.” She declared exhaustedly after chasing Mr Pants around the floor for an hour.

“My turn? You can’t even handle one and you want another.”

“Yes we can.” Lilly and son crawled over to the foot of the couch and laid down on my memory foam pad I had on the floor that I use to relax on while I kill fools over Xbox Live. As the boy crawled off into the distance in hopes of chasing down and violently violating the cat, Lilly reached up and fiercely grabbed my knee while lying on her back with a dangerously seductive appearance and said, “Come on Jay I want to make another baby with you.”

And you know what I was thinking as I glanced into her bloodshot eyes? Should I say yes to another baby so I can take her upstairs and ravish her right now? Because we haven’t been getting along too well the past couple of days, sex is not going to happen tonight unless I say yes to another clone. Is it really worth it? I wonder how many babys have been born into this world solely because some dude wanted to get laid. Countless no doubt. These thoughts and more spun through my mind in an instant as I glared into her pleading wine induced red eyes.

But rather than act upon my seemingly rational urges all I could think of to say was “How much wine did you have?” As a shudder echoed through my body I was thinking how pathetic it would be to say yes to another baby just so I could get laid tonight.

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Mr Pants got his first autographed book. It’s a cooking book by an expert pastry chef. He’s a friend of ours and an awesome chef. He brought over the book customized to Mr Pants, along with his world famous cheesecake, which is better than The Cheesecake Factory’s by the way. He was head chef for Disney for seven years, and has written multiple cooking books, coming up with the recipes himself. His ‘Cheesecake Bible’ is the ultimate cheesecake recipe book on the planet. I sent him this photo of Mr Pants eating his favorite foods, a little woodsy flavored with a hint of toxic ink, but he likes it.
Check Out The King Of Cheesecake, George Geary