Observed Abnormalities

          Observed Abnormalities

Ever notice a particular physical trait on somebody elses kid that you just can’t help but want to comment about. As if it’s so pronounced, so in your face, so blatantly obvious and abnormal, that you almost can’t help but just blurt it out. But you know you shouldn’t say it because some people could be offended by it. And obviously, the parent knows about their kids oddity, and has probably heard it a dozen times already, so you want to spare them having to hear it by another douche bag. But damnit, it’s just sitting on the tip of your tongue fighting it’s way out. It’s so bad you know that eventually you’re going to say it. Such as, ‘dang dude you’re boy has got the gnarliest looking wart on his thumb.’ Or, ‘holly shit man, that is the biggest overbite I have ever seen.’ Or other such abnormalities such as, ‘wow dude, have you ever tried to count all his freckles?’ and ‘do you ever wonder if that huge gap between his front teeth will go away?,’ and ‘geez, is he uhm, slightly retarded or…’

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. We’ve all felt that way before. Just the other day I was talking about that sick 17 month old kid that we saw outside my house. And I gotta tell you, that kid has got the biggest dam head I have ever seen. I wish I had a picture to share with you the glory that is his head. It is but a massively glorious sphere orbiting around his shoulders. I am shocked that even at the age of 17 months, he is able to hold it up right. His mothers’ hips must have expanded three dress sizes after passing that head through. It’s a wonder that the sperm which became this massive boy, didn’t feel to the dad, like he was passing the largest kidney stone ever. No doubt it was a painful orgasm. It’s also surprising that The Sperm that became The Head did not split the mothers egg that became The Head into two as it bore it’s way in. Imagine giving birth to twins, both having heads that size? Good Lord.

One of the reasons why I am in such awe of that masterpiece they call his head. Is that I have a huge head, and my boy’s got a good size dome as well. So for me to see a head that are bigger than my two, is a phenomenon rarely witnessed. I will try to get a picture of this kid to share it with the world. Something like this must be set free. The public has a right to see it. They demand it. Think of the revenue a sideshow could bring in?