Blog Marketers Can Suck it

          Blog Marketers Can Suck it

Every other day I get e-mails from various marketing companies that target bloggers. I’m sure many of you also receive these random e-mails. There are marketing companies built solely for this purpose. Their whole existence rests on the fact that we bloggers will welcome their unsolicited messages. They scan the net and collect e-mail addresses and send out mass messages in hopes of catching a few gullible bloggers that will advertise their shit on their blogs. Okay, sure I’m a hypocrite. I have and would again take some loot for free from some of these guys, if it was cool and I liked the product. But usually, it’s crap, or some books no one would ever read, or some supposed scientific study that our readers need to urgently hear about or they might die. Or the best is when they want us to advertise a dumbass tv show for them, giving us nothing in return. That’s when it’s irritating, when they peddle their shit to me and want me to adverts ital over my blog, and they don’t offer me any free loot. Or they send me a pdf with cool graphics, and they make it sound like the pdf is exclusively given out to only people they send it to, and it was made just for me and my kids. But then I go to their site and it’s listed there for everyone to download. And I have never given my e-mail address to any of these marketers. Sure I list my e-mail on my blog, so it’s out there for the taking. But they add me to their mass e-mail list and continually push their shit on me as if I signed up for it. And they talk as if I am one of the lucky ones they exclusively invite to share their shit with. Anyway, today I received three such e-mails. Two of them I replied to, sincertely thanking them for sharing their shit with me. Surprisingly to me, I actually got a response back from one of them.

E-mail Title: Did you know that US kids consume 9 hours of media per day? (That’s it!)

First couple lines in e-mail: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. GreatSchools Partners with Common Sense Media to Support National Awareness Campaign. “Power to the Parent” is designed to educate parents about the impact of media and technology on kids. (And the e-mail contained some huge article about that topic. They wanted me to post it, for nothing.)

And I replied with this:
Wow, really? That really is too bad. 9 hours huh? Dang. Well I've been shooting for 12 hours for my kids per day. If I can get them to consume at least 10 hours per day I will be absolutely thrilled. But my ultimate goal is 12 hours. I think once they start consuming 12 hours of fresh organic media a day, we will celebrate with a big movie, music, and internet party for all the kids. In fact, I am trying to get a computer implant installed in his brain, so the media instantly downloads straight to his cerebral cortex. Now wouldn't that be something worth reporting about? Certainly it would be worth spamming innocent bloggers e-mail addresses about.....

Their reply to my reply:
Our apologies.
Your email came up listed as a father blogger on current topics regarding parenting and family. I’ll take you off our list.
(Oh yeah? Of course it did. But I wonder how it got there, jah knows I didn't sign myself up on that list. And I have no doubt I will continue to receive e-mails from them.)
(If anyone would like to spam her for kicks and giggles, here is her e-mail address: Kristan Kirsh Senior Marketing Communications Manager, kkirsh@greatschools.org)




Here's the second e-mail I responded to today:

E-mail Title: SONY TV | The Dr. Oz Show is back for Season 2! (Holly shit batman! No shit Boy Wonder!)

My thoughtful reply to the marketing spammer:
Very nice, that is so thoughtful of you to send me this. I will certainly share with my readers my thoughts on a hack job doctor that couldn't make it in a real practice because he is an incompetent medical professional, so he had to go on tv to inseminate his views on the world and hand out bogus medical info to unsuspecting and ignorant daytime viewers. Thanks, I will post this immediately, my readers will love it.
(And as I expected, she wasn’t courteous enough to reply back. And to think I gave them free advertising anyway.)


Oh and I just remembered about a contest that DC Urban Pops rigged for me to win a couple months ago. I won a year supply of Hilshire farms meat. The contest was of course put on by their marketing internet company that targets blogs. DC got some free loot out of it, so he just wanted to pass on the goods for someone else by doing the giveaway. But the marketing company never sent me my year supply of meat damnit. One more reason why I will now start spamming back these marketing spammers. Of course.....untill I get one of their e-mails that has some cool shit that I would actually want, then I will shamelesly take it and advertise for them. Hey, you would too!