Why should my 2.5 year old have to give up his gun just so some other snot nosed little ankle bighter can get his jolly’s with it too? “My boy is getting his jolly’s right now dude, sorry but you can’t have it.” That’s what I tell other kids who try to commandeer what my boy is playing with. And I feel the same about it whether it’s my kid asking or the other kid. Last night at our weekly neighborhood get together, one of the 4 year olds was running around with this awesome Nerf ball shooter. Mr Pants wanted to blast some fools with it also, so he kept following the kid around yelling at him, “My gun, my gun! My turn, my turn!” And I would tell him, ‘Sorry dude, but Gavin got it first. He’s playing with it right now. You can use it later.” And that was the extent of how much I cared about that situation. So I let my boy chase him around a while screaming at him to give him the gun, and eventually my boy got tired of that and just forgot about wanting the gun altogether. Of course, only after Gavin capped his ass a half dozen times as my boy chased him around.
One of the other parents nearly intervened with the two squabbling boys and attempted to work out a plan where they take turns. But I put a swift and effective halt to that by telling her, “No, it’s okay. Mr Pants doesn’t need it. Gavin got it and there’s no reason to take it away. He can wait a while.”
Then I proceeded to explain my un-popularly distorted philosophy about the whole myth of sharing. Sharing is way overrated. Seriously. It just is. Well as far as my sanity goes anyway. Sure, I do what’s easy…..for me. I admit it. And either way, whether I work out some ridiculous plan for the kids to take turns like setting a time limit for each kids turn, while continuously prying the dam gun out of their hands to allow the other kid a turn, as I have seen some of the other neighborhood moms do, either way, there will be screaming and crying and yelling and little kids cussing up a storm. Actually no, the former way only has one kid cussing, the latter turns them both into snarling beasts. So I go with the former.
Last week one of the ladies kids started freaking out because all of a sudden, out of the clear blue quiet afternoon air, this little booger felt it necessary to try and take over one of the swings that another kid was already using. And had only been using for a few minutes. So her mom came over and immediately asked the other kid if her daughter could have a turn. Then she called the other kids mom over and asked her to tell her kid that she has only a couple more minutes to swing so that her daughter could then take it over for herself and swing. Wow. What a croc. What a load of BS. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. So the second mom had to stop her daughter from swinging to explain to her that this other stealer wanted to use the swing. This created an entire fiasco. Both kids were immediately upset. The one currently swinging stopped swinging and sat there all upset while her mom tried to explain what injustice was happening to her. This went on for five minutes. And then….and then the kid waiting for a turn ended up running away with some other kid, completely disinterested in the swing she caused so much drama over. Good lord, I just felt like stepping in and telling that girls mom that she just didn’t need a turn. That it was okay for her daughter to not get the swing. That it would be okay for her to not interrupt someone else’s joyous playtime just so her greedy little daughter could get her turn. But I like the lady, and my kid wasn’t involved, so I just sat there and scoffed, sneered, laughed, and did a lot of.’phhhh’s,’ ‘oh come on’s,’ ‘give me a break’s,’ and ‘really, you’ve got to be kidding me’s,’ under my breath as I watched it happen. Yeah she heard me to.
Yes I understand the importance of teaching our youth the necessity to share. I realize it is a valuable and necessary trait to teach them. No, I don’t want my kids to grow up being mean to other kids or to be gluttonous bastards, not sharing their loot with their friends. But these kids are young. My boys merely 2.5. So what if one wants something that another one has. Let the kid want. As if he is really suffering because he can’t play with the other kids toy. Let the other kid play till his heart is full and content, and eventually he will move on to something else and the other kid will then get to use it. It always happens. They can only keep their mind on something for so long. I don’t feel it necessary to rip the toy or bike or swing out from under the kid so someone else gets a turn. At some point down the line, my kids will understand and use the concept of sharing. With their friends as they get older, they will share their stuff. I’m not worried, nor do I want to take the time to sit there while two toddlers scream bloody murder because I am forcing them to take short turns with the toys. I just don’t want to do it. Sorry, but if your kid comes up to mine and wants a turn with his scooter, he’s not going to get it until my boy willingly drops it and moves on to the next thing. That’s just the way it is around here. So there, blah!
Monday, October 18
Sharing Sucks
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9 commentary:
amen!
Just an FYI, since you’re a new follower. I have had to shut down my blog for a short time, due to threats and harassment. Might even have to start up a new one. ; (
So don’t forget me.
Soccermom
that is a pretty valid argument.. it saves me the stress of resetting my stop watch when it's time to switch..
I think you are on to something here. I for one never get involved in sharing issues, my kids have to figure it out for themselves, I figure they learn problem solving skills and empathy this way.
Your right though, they learn to share either way. Especially if they have siblings.
You know I teach... we rock, paper, scissors for everything... I mean, EVERYTHING! Places in line, turns on swings, who goes first.
I never have to solve arguements. Winner wins, no ifs, ands, or buts. NO do-overs.
You might want to teach Mr. Pants the skill of rock, paper, scissors... it will take him far. LOL :)
K, Preach it sister!
Soccer at first I thought you were saying you have been harassed because I started following your blog…..wouldn’t be too farfetched though.
Hey Eric, yeah isn’t it though? At least that’s what we should tell ourselves when we do it…..
Katie that just cleared my guilty conscious…I mean made my day. Empathy, yeah I can see that, I think you are right. Yeah these are the years when they start realizing these types of emotions and feelings. And what other place to experience them than with their friends and at home. Next time one of the neighborhood moms yells at me for not intervening in a battle of a toy I will tell her you told me my son needs to build up empathy.:)]
And Dawn I really like that idea. I think you’ve got something there. At the same time I think in places outside the home, away from their family/parents, kids often can be more easy going. Well we know people have multiple personalities, in the sense that we cat different at home, different with our peers, and different in a professional environment. So do you think kids are more likely to go with the flow and obey in a group experience such as school? But I still like your technique and just may try it out when he’s older.
Right on! I think teaching sharing needs to be balanced with teaching them that there isn't always immediate gratification.
I feel that a kid who is throwing a fit cause they want some bodys elses shit, and gets their way is a form of bullying. I wont stand for it!
Oh, I dig the rock, paper, scissors solution. I'm implementing that when my kids are older.
The way it works in our house is that the person who wants something may ask politely if the person holding the object is willing to share it or if they can have a turn. Manners are mandatory. If the person says no (and usually that's my four-year-old and not my two-year-old), then no it is. And when the wee one won't share with the older one, I often remind him that he teaches her how to treat him--if he shares, she will share, and if he will not, she will learn not to. Then I let it go. It's like the Suburban Miss Manners version of your method with a little you-reap-what-you-sow-you-little-stinker thrown in for good measure.
The Golden Rule, baby. He who has the gold makes the rules.
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