Blog Marketers Can Suck It, Again

          Blog Marketers Can Suck It, Again

I get marketers peddling their shit to me all the time. They always want me to advertise their products on my site, for free. I’m still amazed at how often I get these e-mails. I often respond to their spam and ask for compensation. Of course they won’t do it. And most often, because of my blunt and sarcastic response, I get no response in return. But occasionally, they e-mail me back. And it’s great. Really makes my day. Nothing funnier than talking shit to a spammer blog marketer when they actually respond to it. I actually feel so embarrassed for them, I can hardly open their response e-mail. I first posted one of these correspondences here at, Blog Marketers Can Suck It.

So this will be my second installment in my now ongoing series ”Blog Marketers Can Suck It.” And it’s awesome. You really need to read this guys response to me. My inner dialogue is in parenthesis.

E-mail Title: Industry First with Ford's New (Enter Shitty Car Name Here)

E-mail content: The holiday season’s hustle and bustle….. (Ok, who gives a shit. The e-mail was two full pages pitching their new car. Two pages of nonsensical bull, an entire commercial layed out in text. They tried to convince me how awesome and absolutely essential their car was to me, as if I wouldn’t survive the holidays unless I went out and bought it right away. Pfftt. Anway…)


Here is my thoughtful reply to the marketing spammer:

Excellent, so you are presenting me with a new Ford? Where do I pick it up? And can I get a full tank of gas with that?

Wait a sec....were you asking me to advertise your new car on my blog for free? Without compensating me? Is that really what Ford has to resort to these days? Seems like very poor marketing skills there Mr Vinti. You see, we live in a world of reciprocity. You do me a favor, and I give you a reach around in return, that's how these things work. So when you want to send me a large brief case full of cash, or a year supply of gas, or a brand new Ford, then we can talk about advertising. If not, then if I were you I would just quit, because asking for something, for nothing in return, is bad marketing skills. Good luck on finding any suckers to do your advertising for free.

Doesn't matter anyway. You would be asking in vain. I'm a Chevy man. Asking me to advertise a ford on my site would by high treason. Mutiny. Shameful. I wouldn’t buy a Ford if it was the last shitty car on earth, buddy. You know, I just might give you a write up for free now that I mention it. Thanks for the post idea....


His reply to my reply:

Hi Jay, (Ahh he used my name, what a pleasent personal touch.)

Though I’m happy to have received a response from you(riiight), I’m sorry to see that you feel that we had the intentions of getting free advertising on your blog(as if you didn’t want free advertising?). I would like to take the opportunity to clarify this misunderstanding in addition to several other actions that were unfortunately misconstrued.(Quite unfortunate indeed sir.)

First and foremost, we reached out to you to keep you informed about a vehicle that we feel is a perfect fit for family life.(So…then you were just sending me my very own personalized advertisement? Just for little old me?) We in no way expected to compel you to write something on your blog.(Backpeddling much? Doesn’t matter, because I have been totally compelled. You’re good, you are sooo good. You deserve a raise buddy) I had actually come across your site in researching blogs that are focused on fatherhood and parenting. Since we plan on having some fun(but this has been so much fun already, how could it get any funner than this?) promotions and initiatives for bloggers in 2011, we preferred to start things off by introducing you to the vehicle as news of its features was released.(So you are starting off giving me loads of free loot, by trying to sell me a 30,000 dollar car? Uh huh. What, do I get a free toaster with that? Perhaps a bumper sticker or tailgate hitch?)

If you have no interest in being kept in the loop about these initiatives as we move forward with them, I am more than happy to take you off of our outreach list. I would of course prefer more than anything to keep you on our list(really, more than anything? I didn’t realize how important our relationship is to you and the rest of the family…I, I, I feel so bad now, what have I done.), because I feel like you offer a very unique perspective. Is there any chance you would like to jump on the phone to discuss the types of communications you are interested in receiving information about (if any)?(Communications? Information? We’re communicating the wrong language here buddy. I’ll give you some free information. I’m talking stuff. Lots of free stuff. Just send me trial versions of loot and I’ll advertise it for you.) This can be a greater conversation that transcends Ford.(Chevy? Because I couldn’t possibly imagine anything that so thoroughly transcends Ford as a nice lifted Chevy Tahoe) I work at Burson-Marsteller(Name dropping huh. (Feeling a little inadequate are we?) with a variety of clients, and I’d hate to reproduce any misstep with you in terms of any further outreach.(Dude, if you recall I offered to give you a reach around. Just give me some loot and I’ll reciprocate. You know you want to.)

Anyways, please feel free to send any questions you may have my way. I look forward to hearing back from you. (Readers, please feel free to send spam his way via his contact info below, he needs it. He really needs it.)

Best, Vinti
Vinti Bhatnagar
Brand Marketing | Burson-Marsteller
vinti.bhatnagar@bm.com
230 Park Avenue South | New York, NY | 10003
t 212.614.5036| c 646.371.5386 | f 212.614.5624


Here’s another e-mail I got today, but have yet to receive a response yet.

E-mail Title: Solar Power for Schools - 5 minutes of your time makes a huge difference!

E-mail content: (Ahhhh, who cares. They wanted me to put a huge badge on my blog which lets people donate money to their company.)

Here is my thoughtful reply to the marketing spammer:

I got a tip for you. How about offer an incentive for the people you are asking to advertise, I mean peddle, your product for free on their sites. Do you really expect me to just jump at the opportunity to advertise for you, with nothing in return? Really? Is that how blog marketing is run? See how many people we can dupe into making us money. Nope. Nope. Nope.

How about, if I put your badge on my site, the one where you are asking people to hand over their hard earned money to a cause which will have very little to no impact on them and their local schools, then in return, the money earned from the badge on my site will go to the local schools in my community. That way,you can still pretend to care about giving to kids, while at the same time, the people whose money you are so gratefully taking....will actually be put to use in those very same peoples communities, rather than some third world shit hole in the gehtto no one cares about.

What do you think? If you are interested in joining my efforts, you can, and it's so simple and easy...