Hot Wheelin

Hot Wheelin

Peeing In The Night, Or On The Night

Peeing In The Night, Or On The Night

1:15 in the am. I am diligently editing my latest video of the boy racing his Hot Wheels track when I again hear his incessant moans of anguish emanating from down the hall. ‘Okay damnit, I don’t care if he whines again, this time I am hauling his butt off to the bathroom,’ I promise myself.

“Hey bud, are you okay?” I ask him as I pat him on the back while he groans in his sleep.

“Nope. Does your tummy hurt. Yeah I think you need to go potty. Let’s go bud.”

“Otaaayyyyyyahhhhhhhhhoohhhhhh…” I hear all the way down the hall.

I strip him down and plop his bum on the pot. “Hey dude, do you want some water?”
“Ehhhhhhh……yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh.”

“Okay I’ll go get you some.” I leave him there on the pot.

When I get back with a bottle of water he says, “I goed.”

“Uhm, yeah, I know.” I dress him. “Hey, did you pee in your pants?” I ask as I rub my hand on a wet spot of his spongebob pj’s.

“Noooooooooooooooooooaaahhh.” He groaned.

Riiiiiiiight.

“Allright, goodnight bud.” I close his door.

Proceed to head down the hall.

Oh yeah, I’ve got to flush the toilet after he went.

Enter the bathroom. ‘Might as well go myself before I do.’

As I step up to the bowl, my sock absorbs a puddle of fluid.

Great.

I inspect my soaked sock. I inspect the floor where my sock was. Puddle by the bowl. Heavy drops trailing from the bowl across the floor up onto stool for the sink. Large puddle on lower step. Larger puddle two feet from bowl beside stool.

Sniff sniff. Yes, it’s urin.

Go back to bowl and inspect bowl for any traces of urin. No traces of urin inside bowl. Lift the lid. Traces of splashed urin below lid, and on side of bowl.

The boy did actually go, as he told me he did. But not a drop of it landed in the actual bowl. In fact, it landed everywhere in the bathroom but the bowl. That’s what I get for walking out to grab him a drink while he went.

It’s a scientific fact, that the male species has a woody 40% of the time while asleep. Hence the term ‘morning wood.’ I’m not making this up, it was in my college text book. So given that bit of info I just shared with my female readers, there is a phenomenon, well, it doesn’t really have a name. But it happens during that time of morning wood, and the first ‘I really gotta go pee when I wake up’ time. Morning wood, and having to pee don’t mix well. Apparently someone needs to instruct the boy on how to handle that situation better. Son of a….